sorry bout entry [30 Mar 2004|08:31pm] [ mood | headache ] sorry about that last entry.. i was just like.. into it all at the time lol sorry!! don't be offended anyone.. please! and thanks for that link ashley.. i read the guiltless grill article.. it does point certain unknown things out.. but.. i dunno :o\ anywho.. xo 6 have gone| |beneath the lampshade

and the day goes on [29 Mar 2004|09:33pm] [ mood | touched ] don't eat meat go to goveg.com and look at the meet your meat link with your sound turned up then decide to eat meat or not xo 2 have gone| |beneath the lampshade

[29 Mar 2004|05:55pm] [ mood | depressed ] i wish i had someone to talk to i wish i had someone at all i wish i could tell the future i wish i could forget the past i wish i could talk to someone, but no one is there.. no'll listen i wish i didn't wish 1 have gone| |beneath the lampshade

i wish i knew [29 Mar 2004|05:47pm] [ mood | crappy ] i wish i knew what to say..and what to do.. i'm really confused about a lot of stuff right now.. i look at other people and wish all the time that i was as happy as them.. i wish i could fall asleep at night and be happy with myself and what i've done that day but lately..it isn't happening.. its all gone to shit i swear for a while, i was really happy.. i would walk around with a huge-ass smile like i had a hanger in my mouth when i fell asleep now all i do is walk around staring at my feet..passing everything by.. and its shit, i don't even know how to be happy.. i don't know xo beneath the lampshade

weddings and such [28 Mar 2004|10:14pm] [ mood | crappy ] [ music | britney spears' concert on TV ] kim's wedding was cute.. short and sweet.. i hung out with my uncle jim and his son zach.. jim lives in kentucky with my aunt shelly.. and zack lives by punta gorda with his mom.. he goes to charlotte high i think he said.. i haven't seem him in like 3-4 years.. he looks the same, just.. older .. i don't know what to do right now.. i'm lost.. i want to fall asleep but i'm not tired, i just want to get away.. for the few hours i can.. my mom is still in the hospital too.. which sucks.. they did 2 tests on her today, only showed irrataion in her stomach, they're doing x-rays on her small intestine tomorrow.. hopefully something'll show up but i'm gunna go.. me & PJ are talking about how crappy shit is lately.. xo. beneath the lampshade

weddings galore [28 Mar 2004|08:45am] [ mood | gloomy ] yesterday was my aunt pam and uncle rogers renewing of their vows.. as happy as it sounds, i was holding back tears the entire time, i actually let a few go, but had to hold the rest in.... my uncle has been having heart problems..and they were going to renew their vows at their 30th year of marriage.. this is only their 29th.. they don't know if he'll make it to next year, and that crushes me.. i have a HUGE problem with dealing with death..its far too much for me.. and he's my favorite uncle.. and i love him to death, and i'm pretty close with him.. so it's 10 X's worse.. i promised him i'd drive out to see him next week when i get my license.. he's ben begging for me to visit him cuz he says we never see eachother anymore.. if anyone wants to come with me, for some reason, bored after school.. whatever it may be.. just tell me.. and you can see what a terrific guy he is.. he's AWESOME seriously.. today is my cousin kim's wedding to the father of her oldest child, Kaylah. i'm supposed to be going to it with my sister, its around 3.. the 2 weddings were back-to-back so that my aunt shelly and uncle jim could come down from Kentucky for both of them.. but me and my dad are about to leave to go shopping for khaki pants and black shoes & belt for work on wednesday.. so, i'll update later.. xo beneath the lampshade

[28 Mar 2004|02:53am] [ mood | infuriated ] fuck you i hate you its your fault that this shit is happening i dont blame him..i blame YOU! beneath the lampshade

good day [26 Mar 2004|10:10pm] [ mood | indescribable ] [ music | music on TV from b-ball commercial ] today was good.. i seen kacie at mcdonalds and visited my mom at the hospital.... last night i dnd't fo to sleep until 4:38 in the morning and then woke at 6ish.. so when we got home from the hospital, i had a half hour till rehearsal. n i looked at the clock n it was 6.. and then i guess i fell asleep n my sis woke me n it was 6:06..lol.. funny part.. i was laying on the couch with the labtop.. lol.. but anywho.. rehearsal was really good tonight.. really funny too.. me and amanda had some interesting moments.. mostly me lol.. SHH AMANDA!! OUR SECRET!! lol the LJ world don't need to know lol.. but anywho.. today was good.. seen mommy for 2 hours ate at the hospital.. baked potato n cheese sticks lol i went vegitarian.. and i also gave up milk adam gave me the idea, and i thought it was awesome, becuase they hurt soo many animals for our tastebuds.. and its cruel cruel deaths.. but anyway i'm gunna go.. comment on my entry if you'd like.. i'm really tired. gunna go sleep! xoxo 6 have gone| |beneath the lampshade

adam...adam..adam [25 Mar 2004|10:59pm] [ mood | depressed ] is it bad i've been walking around with adam's old ripped hoodie on all day??.. just sitting. staring. thinking. crying. beneath the lampshade

i wish i wasnt.. [25 Mar 2004|07:58pm] [ mood | annoyed ] i really wish i wasn't such a pessimistic thinker.. my mom is in the hospital for stomach pains that she's been having since last friday and they've done tests n shit to find out whats wrong but they can't find anything yet.. and its jsut really got me worried you know??..i hate it. i cryed for a while tonight about it.. i really love my mom and don't want to lose her for any reason. being this, or an accident or something.. she told me not to think bad.. that its not like that.. so that gives some comfort right??.. on a lighter note.. i'm going to lose weight.. once i get my license(tuesday).. i'll be going to a gym.. my parents are getting me a mebership to one and it'll be payroll deducted from my dad's paycheck .. i love my parents.. they really do give me a lot.. theres a lot of people with a lot less... i need to go shopping lol.. its ridiculous how many shirts i have compared to pants.. pants that fit..lol.. well my sister wants online and i told her i'd switch comps for her once i was done writing this entry.. so i guess i'll let her on.. xox 6 have gone| |beneath the lampshade

its so weird [25 Mar 2004|06:33pm] [ mood | blank ] i'm such a weird mood.. i don't like it.. you know when you're stuck between the past and the present.. you want thigns to be how theyused to be in a sense.. but you like how certain things are now.. thats how i feel right now.. i was looking through my LJ from when me and adam dated.. and a lot of it made me smile.. but at the same time frown because its gone.. and its all my fault.. but what can i do.. nothing.. i don't know.. i want to be happy.. but for some reason whenever i try to be.. i hurt everyone in the meantime.. because i'm selfish in so many ways.. thats why i'm taking this me-time.. i need to change that about myself.. i just wish i coudl take back the pain i've caused people.. xoxo 4 have gone| |beneath the lampshade

hot stuff [25 Mar 2004|02:13pm] [ mood | content ] hey.. new LJ..like it?? lol.. pretty identical huh..lol i'm gunan out something new in here when i can.. anywho.. i stayed home from school today.. i didn't want to go .. i got a job last night though.. at the veggie tales cart in the mall.. theres a 2-3 day wait though for it to be official.. but he gave me all the papers n said i got the job.. you have to memorize this script for it.. and how to say it and when and why.. a lot of stuff.. but i go in next wednesday from 3:30 - 6 .. hopefully i can find a way there because i don't get my car till the next day.. : \ wish me luck :P but.. as for my love-life..its fine right now.. i suppose.. i'm looking for myself.. and what i want in another person.. i've been confused for far too long, and hurt someone too special and too important to go on doing that same thing.. so.. i'm finding myself.. i'm at a ME-TIME in my life you know.. but.. i'm gunna go.. xoxo 4 have gone| |beneath the lampshade

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